i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
