where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was so not down for the gang bang
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
