I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That accounts for only three of the penises
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
