I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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