There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
