we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
