So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So here I am, sexting at work.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
