I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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