benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
