yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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