a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
