I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
