Just cropdusted the office
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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