i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
