so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
