I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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