capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
