Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
