New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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