I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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