they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
