mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
