I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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