I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
