You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
