dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
