I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
