Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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