They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
