I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
