Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
