At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
