my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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