i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
