Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
