are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
