I think im going to throw up on grandma
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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