My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
