Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
