I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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