Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
