On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
