What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
