Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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