So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
