I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
