I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
