Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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