she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize