Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
