I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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