I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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