How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
