Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
