I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
