i just made my gag reflex go away.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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