What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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