I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
