I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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