I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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