Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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