I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
