loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
