Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
