are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
