You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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