this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
