I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
