I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Boobs speak an international language.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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