hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
