just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
