areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
