I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
