Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
